


Heart in Hand

by ziegler



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Edeleth, Edelthea, F/F, Femslash, Lesbian, One-Sided Love, Pining, Romance, Sexual Content, Unrequited Love, Yuri, hubert is there for like 0.5 seconds, merceleth, minor spoilers (maybe?), set in the time skip portion of the game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-30 04:50:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20808824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ziegler/pseuds/ziegler
Summary: Edelgard finds that running an Empire is far easier than dealing with the heartache of losing your first love to another; and being continually faced with that every day.





	Heart in Hand

To feel as though you had missed your chance with the one you loved was always a crushing sensation, and it was one that Edelgard von Hresvelg had never, ever expected to feel.

“You have to let this obsession go, Your Majesty…” Hubert would tell her, as he watched her eyes burning into the back of the one she loved. “Our professor has found the one she wants. Your feelings are only producing an unnecessary difficulty here for both of you by keeping this up.”

“Silence,” Edelgard snapped bitterly, as she shifted uncomfortably on her throne. “Don’t overstep your role, Hubert.”

“…My apologies, Your Majesty.”

Edelgard von Hresvelg was a force to be reckoned with.

How long had it been since she had declared war on the church, and all the monstrosities that they stood for? Five years? Six? She had begun to lose count, and a part of her didn’t care even if she was. The taste in her mouth grew worse as the years slogged on. The years that passed her by had felt like torture without _her_.

Where did she go? She’d always promised to be here. Surely her excuse of coming back after being “asleep” or “dead” were just not true. But she wouldn’t lie. Not to _me_, thought Edelgard. Not to me.

But now with her back, Edelgard felt as though this were a far more torturous fate than if she had just decided to remain gone. At least that way she wouldn’t have to be faced with the reality that they would never be together now.

Edelgard von Hresvelg had one secret that she declined to show the average person, which was that she was deeply frightened to be alone for too long. Being alone meant living with her thoughts, and being with her thoughts meant her mind would be tortured, as though it were being dragged through tar over hot spikes. The night terrors, the constant screams that came from her lips when she shot up awake from her bad dreams; she hated the feeling of being alone, and to alleviate that, she had always kept Byleth in her heart.

_My professor won’t ever leave me. My teacher is always here for me. _

_She won’t go anywhere…_

_But what am I to do, when she has gone somewhere far away from me in plain sight?_

The main problem for Emperor Edelgard rested in two things.

The first was that the only other person who felt similarly to Edelgard in every single regard of her longing, was a young woman that had transferred from Dimitri’s class to theirs, all those years ago, back at the monastery. Mercedes von Martritz; a gentle woman with a heart of gold, she was popular, adored, and particularly fond of the professor.

Edelgard remembered how, even back at the monastery, every time Mercedes talked with Byleth, the bitter taste Edelgard hated always returned onto the surface of her tongue. Every time Mercedes laughed at something Byleth had said to her under the gentle whisper of her voice, Edelgard clenched her jaw. Every time Mercedes waved to her across the hall and Byleth would wave back affectionately, it made Edelgard almost snap all of her quills in half.

“That bitch…” She grumbled to herself.

_I don’t care if its inappropriate of me or not to behave like this. Byleth is mine. I have to make her mine._

But that was a lot easier said than done.

After all, when it came to Byleth, Mercedes never relented. Straightforward and subtly flirtatious, the two of them were seemingly close in age, and every student knew that Byleth had been the one Mercedes was after from the moment she transferred into the class. There were sexual rumours about them on everyone’s lips behind their backs; but Edelgard always did her best to pay no attention to them.

After all, Byleth would surely only have eyes for her. Eventually.

But this was a life now far away from those days. And on the second day of Byleth returning from who knew where, Mercedes had wasted no time in getting reacquainted. She practically hogged Byleth to herself, all of the days and nights; and of course, this eventually resulted in their marriage. It would have taken a fool to not see that they were using that time to fall in love with each other all over again, or to pick up simply from where they left off, before the events of taking down Rhea came about.

Edelgard felt her heart break on their wedding day. Watching the bouquet of flowers flying backwards over the gaggle of women watching was idiotic enough in her books; but seeing Byleth and Mercedes kiss delicately at the podium before the priest was enough to make her excuse herself away.

Even now, she pines for Byleth every moment of every day, and it drives her insane.

On this particular night, on the night of the day that she had snapped at Hubert earlier and later at Caspar, Edelgard finds herself completely unable to sleep.

“I wish you’d just stayed gone,” Edelgard thinks to herself in the dark of the night, when she has another woman on her arm in the bed they share; and she knows that deep down, this woman will never compare to her love for Byleth. “Why did you come back if it was going to be like this?”

Edelgard slips herself out from her large, four-poster bed, and wraps her crimson silk gown around her alabaster body. The moonlight pours in its delicate, silver light onto the floor of this abyss of a room, and Edelgard sighs wearily as she sparks up a tobacco pipe, cracking open one of the arched windows.

“Byleth…” she mumbles under her breath, leaning against it to look out over the rolling fields. “Why did you not choose me?”

_What was she doing right now?_ Edelgard thinks to herself. Was she wandering the palace? Was she fucking Mercedes in the bed they shared? Was she thinking about Edelgard too, in the lonely hours of the night?

“It is so painful to have you so close, my teacher…and yet, so far away.”

It was true. Byleth was still close to Edelgard. She had never wavered; even during the time she had returned, she had been exactly as she was before she left. So ready to help with anything and everything Edelgard needed, clearly valuing her so dearly, and yet, marrying a woman that she must have loved more.

Edelgard closes her eyes in anguish.

“Edie? Are you awake again?”

Edelgard is surprised at the sound of the voice behind her as she leans against the window ledge, and waves an uninterested hand at the woman that dotes on her so.

“Oh, Dorothea…” she replies idly, turning back to looking at the navy blue fields out across the horizon. “Did I wake you? I apologize.”

“I can’t sleep if you’re smoking. You know that.”

“Sorry.”

Dorothea sits up slightly; naked and covered by the bedsheet, she pulls it over her chest as she sits against the cold headboard of the bed in this concrete room.

“…What are you thinking about so much to keep you awake like this?” she asks. “Must be bad, to see you so shaken up.”

“Where should I begin?” Edelgard replies with an unintentionally biting sarcasm, before she feels her dander die back down. She lets out a sigh of smoke towards the arched window, and rests her head on her hand wistfully. “It’s nothing.”

Dorothea sighs in quiet frustration through her nose, and wraps the silken sheets that smell like the woman she loves back around her in resignation.

“Fine, if that’s what you want…” She says with a tired sigh. “If you need any relaxing, just let me know. I’m always happy to have my hands all over you.”

Edelgard had already stopped listening to Dorothea in favour of thinking about things that torture her heart, and Dorothea takes her cue to go back to bed with ease as long as Edelgard is still hers.

The idea of Byleth sleeping with Mercedes in their bed is enough to crush this Emperor’s spirit for the next thousand years, let alone the idea of how happy it must have made Byleth to marry the woman she loves. The ways that Byleth and Mercedes look at each other drives Edelgard insane, and on those days in particular where she catches their glances, or worse still, their kisses, she orders a particularly harsh strike team to carry out something or other that often causes a new wave of war.

And perhaps worst of all, to Edelgard, is that Byleth knows how Edelgard loves her.

There isn’t a shred of doubt in her mind that Byleth _must_ know of the ways she feels for her. How could she not? The way that they embraced when Byleth returned from her mysterious five-year disappearance; the way that Byleth used to look at her all those years ago, and the ways that Byleth would even occasionally take her out to afternoon tea, or to look at flowers together. The moments of intimacy between them, even before ever sharing a kiss, have been too many to name but a few.

How did Mercedes get there before _me_?

The morning after the night before, Edelgard is tired. These days, she’s always tired. Thoughts of Byleth haunt her, day and night, and to see Mercedes clinging to her the same way a fly becomes trapped in a spider’s web makes Edelgard sick.

“Oh! Morning, Edelgard.”

As she walks through the lavishly decorated Palace, that warm, sultry voice that Edelgard adores reaches her ears; and she spins around on the velvet carpet as though she’s a student back at the monastery all over again.

“Professor!” She declares almost reflexively delighted, before she clears her throat. “I mean…good morning, Byleth.”

Edelgard, remembering where she is and just what year it is, shifts awkwardly before Dorothea and Hubert; her assistant and her lover walking either side of her; before Edelgard’s sharply lavender eyes meet with the sight of a gloved hand holding onto Byleth’s own.

_Ah…_

“Good morning, Your Highness.”

_She’s here with her, then._

Mercedes smiles warmly and genuinely at the Emperor that stands before her. Edelgard replies curtly.

“Von Martritz.”

“Ah, good morning, Mercie!” Dorothea replies brightly, holding on to Edelgard’s arm. “Wow, your hair looks beautiful! Did you cut it again?”

“Oh! Yes, I did…” Mercedes replies with a smile, and as Byleth places a hand around her hip, Mercedes shifts more into Byleth’s body.

Edelgard winces as Dorothea and Byleth’s wife talk idly, and Byleth turns her gaze to look at the pained woman before her.

“Are you alright?” Byleth asks with a sincere concern as the two women next to them laugh. “You look pretty exhausted.”

“I’m fine,” Edelgard replies with a shake of her head. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Don’t overdo it,” Byleth says. “We’ll sort out this war together. Don’t worry yourself sick.”

“Byleth…”

“Ah, Edie!” Dorothea interrupts, pulling on her arm slightly. “Mercie says we should check out this little place in town, fit for nobles apparently.”

“Oh, is that so?” Edelgard replies with as much false charm as she can muster before Byleth. “Perhaps if we’re not preoccupied, we should all go together.”

“I would be honoured,” Mercedes says in an earnest reply that makes Edelgard feel bad for her misplaced hatred. “Shall we dine tonight? There’s a small inn nearby that I’m sure we could stay at, if it would be too much hassle to get back to the palace, Your Highness.”

“You deserve a break,” Byleth says, smiling her brilliant, white smile. “Come on, El. Join us, won’t you?”

_El…_

_Ugh. How you break my heart every time you call me that nickname I shared with you, professor._

“Oh, pleeease?” Dorothea begs, making puppy dog eyes at her lover to no avail. “It would be sooo nice, right?”

Byleth smiles at Edelgard, and all that does is makes her sad more than anything else.

“…Alright,” Edelgard resignedly says, “I’ll do it.”

“Shall I cancel your meetings tonight, Your Highness?” Hubert asks. Edelgard nods reservedly, and Hubert bows before he leaves.

That night, Edelgard and Dorothea make their way to the small restaurant under Mercedes recommendation. The escort causes lots of fanfare; they sit inside a grandiose carriage emerging from the large, looming Palace gates, and the two women inside can feel that it is only fit for the Emperor and her lover.

Edelgard, frustrated at what she’s about to have to endure, pulls Dorothea on top of her to try and alleviate some of the lustful pressure she’s been feeling all day.

“Edie,” Dorothea breathes with a smile and a swirling look of mad desire in her eyes, “I love when you’re like this.”

Edelgard doesn’t say a word and Dorothea knows her touch isn’t one of love, but neither one of them bother to say anything.

As they arrive at the restaurant, Byleth and Mercedes are sat inside the private booth Mercedes has managed to organize for them all.

“Ah, they’re here!” Mercedes excitedly tells Byleth, and Edelgard can read her lips from a mile away. Mercedes waves happily to the couple that have just entered past all of the nobles floored that the Emperor is actually here, and the waitresses fall over themselves to deliver the best service they can.

Dorothea chuckles to herself as she adjusts her skirt and lipstick slightly before they walk over, and Edelgard and Byleth meet their gazes once more.

“Want to sit down?” Byleth offers, pulling out a decoratively adorned seat. “They brought this in for you. I don’t think they believed our position in your palace until we showed them the golden rings you gave us…”

Mercedes laughs, and nods along with her wife.

“It’s true! I’m just glad they gave us a small place. It’s so nice to be able to sit with you both, at long last. And of course, especially you, Edelgard.”

“It is?” Edelgard asks in amazement, forced to swallow down the bitter lump of vitriol and jealousy as Byleth sits her down.

“Yes,” Mercedes replies with a sincere, warm look in her eyes that makes Edelgard realize what Byleth must love so much about her. “We never get the chance to sit down and talk, do we? You and I, that is. I’ve been dying to get to know you better for years. I know how much you mean to Byleth, after all.”

“Hey, now…” Byleth says in embarrassment, as Mercedes chuckles.

Edelgard can’t see it happen, but she can see Mercedes’ arm move in a way to suggest she has a hand resting on Byleth’s thigh.

The sour taste returns to her mouth.

“I’m busy often,” Edelgard says with a restrained grit of her teeth, “so I’m afraid casual dinners like this…well, it just isn’t usually possible.”

“Well…we’re going to at least have that changed for tonight, aren’t we?” Mercedes replies cheerfully, and Byleth looks lovingly at her wife. Edelgard seethes as Dorothea laughs.

The night continues without a hitch. The double date isn’t awkward even in the least; Dorothea, naturally charming and beautiful, could easily carry a conversation with eighteen different people at once. Byleth makes small conversation with Edelgard, knowing that she seems incredibly tired; whilst Mercedes occasionally chips in, trying to get to know the Emperor she chose to follow a little better. The sentiment of all of this isn’t lost on Edelgard, either; she knows exactly how deep it is to have chosen the Empire over the Kingdom.

“I would like to thank you for your service to me,” Edelgard says with hidden difficulty. “I appreciate that we have an experienced Dancer on our hands.”

“Oh, it’s no problem…” Mercedes says with a warm and somewhat surprised smile. “I would go anywhere this one went as it was, so it’s fine.”

She looks to Byleth with an affectionate grin, and Byleth chuckles bashfully.

“It’s a good job I _wanted_ to marry you then, isn’t it?”

“Of course!” Mercedes replies with a laugh, and Byleth kisses her forehead.

“You guys are so cute!” Dorothea says with a high pitched squeal, and rests her head against Edelgard’s shoulder. “We’re going to get married…eventually. Isn’t that right, Edie?”

“What? Oh, I suppose.”

“You two are the model couple to the citizens,” Mercedes says with a smile. “You’re both very popular amongst the nobles.”

Edelgard doesn’t say anything in reply. Dorothea laughs and thanks Mercedes for her compliment.

The night comes to an end; and despite Mercedes concerns that it may have been too difficult to get back to the Palace, it isn’t. Dorothea, Edelgard, Mercedes and Byleth all file into the lavishly decorated crimson carriage that Edelgard came in, and find that they have all instead been delivered to the Palace to stay overnight after all.

“Are you sure we can rest here for the night?” Byleth asks Edelgard as they walk in a twosome behind Dorothea and Mercedes. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to put us up. It’s not like home is far.”

“No, it’s nothing…really,” Edelgard replies. “I’m always happy to have you around.”

“El…”

Edelgard finds the air stolen from her lungs as Byleth stops the two of them, and takes her by the hands.

“Byleth?” Edelgard asks, and for the first time in months, she actually experiences the sensation of hope once more.

Lavender eyes meet with Byleth’s own; and for a split second, it feels like nothing ever changed.

The warmth of Byleth’s hands in her own; the ways that they look at each other as though they can read a map of each other’s own soul. Edelgard’s heart pounds all throughout her body, surging and rushing around as though she were made of an electrical current; whilst Byleth’s brilliant smile comes back around onto her lips once more.

_Is this a dream?_

“I really missed spending some time with you like that. Thank you for coming with us tonight…” Byleth says earnestly, and Edelgard feels so happy she could almost cry. “I think it meant a lot to Mercedes, too.”

“It did?”

“Of course. I talk of you often, you know. She knows you’re the other woman on my mind besides her.”

Edelgard feels as though she could melt into a puddle quite happily at Byleth’s feet, and Byleth squeezes Edelgard’s hands warmly.

“I just wanted to let you know,” Byleth finishes, and Edelgard is left speechless as Byleth’s warmth escapes from her palms and continues along the walk that they stopped.

Edelgard doesn’t know what to say after that.

That night, after Byleth and Mercedes have retired to their own room for the night, and after Dorothea is laying on Edelgard’s arm in the deep, thick darkness of the Emperor’s room once more, Edelgard von Hresvelg is left tortured by the despairing realisation of one, all consuming thought – that this love for Byleth is probably going to end up being the death of her; and there is nothing she can do to stop it.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to follow me on twitter over [@gloomhoarder](http://www.twitter.com/gloomhoarder)! thank you! ♥


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